


Clinging Desperately

by honeybee_pioneer



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Blood, Emetophobia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, Scratching, Self Harm, Self Harm - Unintentional, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 21:39:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10930563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybee_pioneer/pseuds/honeybee_pioneer
Summary: Was he clinging desperately to something that was no longer there?(Or, Tadashi thinks Kei is mad at him and jumps to conclusions.)





	Clinging Desperately

Tadashi worried as he looked at the wall clock. Kei should have been home by now, the hour hand creeping towards eight o'clock. Kei had been working late almost every day for nearly two weeks, but this was the first time he'd missed dinner time completely.

Tadashi fiddled with his hands nervously. He and his boyfriend had been pretty distant the past two weeks since Kei's work event. Tadashi had gone with him to the event, and the night had been going fairly well before things started to go south. 

_His breaths were becoming short and quick, his body rigid. He felt paralyzed, suddenly aware of how many people were there. With a soft whimper, he backed into a wall, sliding down slowly before putting his head in his hands._

_Not now, please, not when this was so important to Kei. Not when he had been doing so well, almost a month since his last true panic attack. Not now, not now, not **now-**_

_Tadashi's hand covered his mouth, but that didn't stop him from vomiting. His stomach roiled, his panic increasing at the awful taste in his mouth. He couldn't ground himself, there were too many people. Kei? Where was Kei? "Kei!"_

_Cool hands were on his shoulders, a steady voice speaking to him. "Tadashi. I'm right here, please calm down."_

_"I can't-"_

_"You can, Tadashi. Deep breaths."_

_Tadashi's thoughts cleared enough to have coherent thoughts. "Can we g-go home, Kei?" he whispered._

_Kei nodded, excusing the pair and heading to the car._

Tadashi felt awful for the scene. Rationally he knew that he couldn't have controlled when it would happen, but he beat himself on how badly he had handled it. 

After the event, Kei had seemed distant, starting by leaving five minutes earlier, but eventually he started leaving the office five minutes later, those five minutes turning into ten minutes, thirty minutes, an hour, two hours...

What if Kei was angry about the event? What if he didn't want to be home with Tadashi because he couldn't stand the sight of him?

Was Tadashi clinging desperately to something no longer there? Were he and Kei doomed to fail?

Tadashi stood from the table quickly, beginning to pace restlessly. Was Kei going to leave? Who would stay? Who would leave? Where would he go? Did Kei hate him now?

He stopped pacing as he noticed a sting on both arms. His eyes widened as he saw the result of his panic. He had scratched his arms too much, to rapidly, a small yet clear amount of blood slowly exiting his wounds. He ran to the bathroom, turning on the sink and running his arms under the water, flinching as the blood mixed with the water going down the drain. 

His stomach flipped, and Tadashi shook his head frantically, trying to ignore the sick feeling inside. He turned off the water, falling to his knees next to the toilet and dry heaved, only fluids from the past couple days as a result of skipped meals due to anxiety. He felt cold, arms wet and forehead sweating. He was going to pass out, he couldn't breathe-

"-Dashi. Tadashi!" Kei was calling, suddenly kneeling next to him. 

" _Kei-!_ " Tadashi sobbed, heaving again, shaking. 

Cool hands rubbed his back gently. "Tadashi, you need to breathe."

Tadashi gasped, resisting another heave. "Tsukki, Tsukki, I can't, I can't breathe!"

Kei stroked his hair with soft motions. "You can. In and out, Tadashi, steady breaths." 

Tadashi breathed in and out, his pace eventually evening out. He was still crying, not able to face his boyfriend. "I'm sorry. I'll be out in a moment."

"I'm not leaving you."

"I'm gross."

"No, you're not." 

"I'm sorry for disappointing you, Tsukki..."

Kei blinked. "You haven't disappointed me, Tadashi, don't be stupid."

Tadashi shook his head. "I embarrassed you at your work dinner and made a scene, and now I've done it again. And I scratched again, even though you hate it because it annoys you. I just annoy you." 

Kei carefully an arm around Tadashi's waist, carefully helping him stand and walk to the bedroom. He pulled out the first aid kit and had his boyfriend sit on the bed. "You don't annoy me, Tadashi. And I hate you scratching yourself because it pains you, and seeing you in pain hurts. I may work at a hospital but I can't take your pain away from you completely." He pulled out a disinfectant. "This may sting, sorry."

Tadashi hissed slightly at the sensation, and closed his eyes. "I've been so scared, Kei. You're never home anymore."

Kei frowned, blushing slightly and focusing heavily on Tadashi's arms. "I've been taking overtime so I could take next week off with you. I was going to surprise you this weekend."

Tadashi blinked, before a soft smile joined his remaining tears. "That's so sweet, Tsukki..."

Kei shrugged. "I like spending time with you. I'm sorry, I would have told you if I knew you were this worried. And I'm sorry for being especially late today, there was an emergency that they were short staffed for."

Tadashi shook his head. "You don't need to be sorry. Just stay with me, for a little while?"

Kei nodded, putting the kit away. Tadashi laid back on the bed, hugging tight to Kei when he joined. His heartbeat was steady and calming. 

"I love you, Kei..." Tadashi said softly before beginning to drift.

Just before he fell asleep, he felt a pair of soft lips on his forehead. "I love you too, Tadashi."

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought!


End file.
